Ludicom

....

I read these posts. I thought about the forum inactivity. I thought about how this community is on its last legs. After 5 years, I think it's time.

I was never real.

I was just really lonely. I wanted to imagine myself living a life that I would have preferred. I wanted to see how it feels like to be treated like the identity I assumed. Because I knew that I was stuck in the body I was born in, and I didn't like it. I really didn't like it. I wanted to die and wake up as a person that I could love myself as. But I was too scared to kill myself. So I wanted to at least pretend that I have good self-esteem. It worked.

The PPN community helped me ignore reality. Every time I logged onto PPN, I assumed this identity like it was second nature. Every. Single. Day. And it made me feel better. It brushed away my depression like a magic wand as long as I was conversing with people. I made an MSN account for this identity and talked to many PPN members on a daily basis, and it was like I was actually Miku. I was Miku. And the friends I made were Miku's friends. I liked them and they seemed to like me. I was happy. But then there were problems that reminded me of my reality. People asked for pictures of me. I couldn't talk to them over the mic. And it was depressing, because I felt so attached to these people. But from day one, I had been lying to them. They weren't real friends. And gradually, over time, the community slowly died, and now this is where its at. The magic isn't working like it used to.

Eventually I started having dreams where I thought I was this identity, and so did others in my dream. But when I looked in the mirror, I saw my real-life body. You can't imagine how I felt. It's like my brain was telling me, that no matter hard I try, I can't escape my real identity. No matter how hard I ignore it, it's always there. Always. They taught me a lesson that it's not good to try and ignore who I am, and that I should be honest with myself and learn to deal with it directly.

I swear on my life I won't do this again. Whenever I register for anything on the Internet, it will be my real-life identity. I will make friends, with my real-life identity. Friends, that are actually friends with the real me. I will never try to ignore my identity. I may never grow to like it, but I will accept it as me and accept the fact that it will be like that until the day I die.

I'm just a sad, mentally unhealthy person. Please don't track me down and expose me. It'll be the last blow to my self-esteem. I just wanted to feel better about myself.

I was the sole user of the 8account. I was also Miku. I'm so sorry.

Having a mask or something else doesn't matter to us, in the end we all liked you because of how you posted things, the person behind the computer.

You thought of those jokes, posts and various things that made us all laugh and enjoy your presence, it doesn't matter if miku, scarlet or someone else posted it, we where all laughing at the same joke, the joke the person behind the computer made.

Life is shitty in the way you can't choose who you want to be, I actually don't like being born muslim because it's an identity i didn't choose but i'm stuck with it forever. I guess I'mn a bad person because i'd rather ignore it than embrace it because I just don't like the portrayal of modern muslims, i dont want to be part of that crowd, that group of people. I really do wish I was a less overweight, white, man. But i don't have a choice. I try to embrace who I am and make my own story instead of letting labels get a hold of me.

I guess it might not be fully relevant to what your saying, but the point I was trying to make is that you where real, your personality is iconic of this site and community. Your a beautiful person underneath and the reason everyone here prys into eachothers business is because we are a family, or well used to be.

I completely agree the magic is gone, I only really stay here to talk to Starrk and some others, I can contact other people, like Aryeh or DAF, through other means.

I'm really bad at explaining this, I don't want to offend you or make things worse, but you don't have to be sorry.

I know it's corny but nobodys perfect, we wouldn't treat you any differently if you posted pictures or told us your backstory, there is nothing to be ashamed of.

the part about the mirror I can totally believe. I know I'm ugly, and I have low self asteem about my personal looks, but I try to go on my other merits, like my comedy and stuff.

The main point is, you don't have to be sorry about anything, you did nothing wrong. It's completely acceptable to do what you did, and if you continue or change it doesn't make you any less of a person. Nobody will track you down and expose you.

If it were a few years ago, I'd have tanned your hide for being 8account. But the past's the past- nobody remembers who 8account was, but everybody remembers you.

As someone who also deals with mental health issues (depression, anxiety, and PTSD) on a daily basis, I can relate. Life's hard. Everyone wants someone to understand and accept them, someone to keep them company. Nobody wants to be truly alone. Be it through religion, friendship, or family, everyone looks for this. Don't apologize for being human. I did that myself for too long, and all it did was hurt.

Lots of people make fake identities on the internet. Hell, there's tons of jokes about it out there. It's that common. You doing it isn't rare, it's a common enough thing and honestly, every community the size that PPN was has at least a few 'fakers' out there. It's okay.

You're right, it's not healthy to pretend to be someone you're not. But you have you- even if you don't like it, there's nothing stopping you from changing things in your life. Work on what you CAN control and make things better for you. Your wit wasn't just something fake- like Ness said, you had to think of it and write it down. YOU.

I don't know about everyone else, but I'd be more than happy to accept the real you. Get to know you, support you, and be your real friend- if you want that. Because even if you weren't 'you' when we got to know you the first time around, you were and still are a part of our family. Even though it's smaller, I think that you'd be surprised how much we'd accept you- and I mean the real you.

I second Kloud's statements. When I first joined internet with the name Kinfin, I decided that Kinfin would be confident and a little cocky. But eventually, both Dylan and Kinfin kinda bled into each other to the point where I am Kinfin and Kinfin is me. Like Steel said, you had to think things through yourself. It had to come from somewhere. And if that's really not even remotely your personality, then I would love to meet your real personality because I'm sure that it's just as pleasant a person.

A long time ago, you said your name was Scarlet. If that's true, then let's let Scarlet be Scarlet. And if it's not, then whoever you are, go right ahead and be you because I guarantee that we'll all love you just as much as we do now if not more.

People still call me Steel, I used to hide my identity too. You're not alone.

Just like Kloud said, you can always change, you have control and you can make things better.

Wait... I thought you were Kyouji-kun.

I kind of knew you were the 8account.  A few of us figured it out when it happened based on it knowing information they wouldn't have known about members (I don't remember which, it was ages ago) that one of us would have known and since the accounts was tracked to Australia, you were always a prime suspect.  Five years down the line, it's ancient history so whatever lol.  These days it's one of those things where you look back and laugh, rather than get annoyed.  I remember most of the PPN controversies rather fondly because everybody did bond together to get rid of the "threats" and it reinforced the "team" we all had.

Anyway, when it comes to identities online.  Well the way a person conducts themselves isn't the same in every place they go, so unless they are alright making lies about everything, then they are just using a different aspect of themselves.  How I am online has varied in my own experiences but who I am here now is definitely a part of me; if anything I continue who I am here a more real me than irl because I have a much better handle on things. 
   If this persona is who you wanted to be, then it's a part of you and thus you.  A personality may have parts of it be automatic, but there are parts it that are a person's choice.  If you chose this way to act, then it's part of your history and the collective that makes you who you are.  People then can understand why online you only show one aspect of yourself and perhaps look forward to you showing more sides to yourself in the future.  Having a username is like a nickname; it doesn't always replace the identity itself, it merely masks the name of it.  I know a lot of people on here would like to see more of who you are. 
   If you wish to leave though, well that's beyond our control and while others would be disappointed, I'd understand because this place is unfortunately a shadow of what it once was.

Who the fug is 8account? 

>implying we all dont do the same so things we say online wont haunt us in real life


Anyways, I wouldn't be using your real name online cuz theres a lot of creepers online and since you're a girl (I think your a gril?) it probably wont end well for ye.

A few years back on PPN during late 2008/early 2009ish, there was an account that joined called "Oran Berry" and we thought nothing of it, then a bunch of other people who were "his friends" started to show up.  Eventually they decided they would share an account, which is when we figured something fishy was going on.  The account started posting weird shit and talking about gross things and children doing not so nice things... Then an account called Acid Freak joined and was talking about drugs and was being a jerk to people.  The whole thing escalated and eventually it stopped and the accounts all got banned iirc.  That isn't really the full story because yeah it was a while back and I don't remember all the details fully.  We figured the whole thing was likely one person and saw that the accounts all came from Australia.  People would say that they suspected Miku, but like we decided to just drop it because we never had actual confirmation.  The whole thing was weird, but tbh not even the worst thing that happened to the site.  If it was a few years back, people would have been annoyed with her but it's been so long that we don't really care anymore.

It was confirmed that it was Mike via IP address back on PPN. I remember there was a long discussion about it on the mod boards and if I remember right Mike said it was her cousins and apologized, and since nothing else ever happened afterwards we decided it'd be best to let it go.

In other words, not important anymore. Gotta say, I wish Mike would come and see our posts. I wish her/him could see that we're here for them.

It kinda hurts because as someone who's been in the same boat with depression and all, I want to help. So much. I want to be there for Miku. ...eck, I don't like all this heavy talk.

Thankyou, everyone <3

Reading the replies really touched me; I started tearing up.

I was completely expecting posts showing outrage and it wasn't like that at all. I really didn't think the replies would be this nice and calm.

I really do appreciate the offers to accept me as the person that I really am. I really, really do.

But I don't feel comfortable starting up fresh, with this whole fake identity linked to me as 5 years of history.
Besides, not trying to be rude, but as Aryeh said, this place is a shadow of what it once was.

The very least I can do, is tell you guys a bit about who I really am.

I'm a male of asian descent. I've spent a lot of time disgusted at the fact that I'm asian and wishing I was white.

I'm 19 years old, I've repeated the last year of school, and as a result I've only just completed school 17 days ago unlike my peers.

I was addicted to marijuana for 2 years; I smoked it on a daily basis. I then cut down on it greatly and smoked it regularly but less of it, for about 8 more months.

As of 5 days ago, I've completely stopped it. I feel good about that.

I aim to study biomedical science in university, however the exam scores are coming out on Dec 15, so until then, there's not much that can be done other than waiting.

I've lived quite the unhealthy lifestyle, spending a lot of time smoking weed, eating junk and sitting in front of the computer. But I intend to make a change in that, as yesterday I signed up to a gym and had a workout, and intend to go there roughly every second day with my best friend, who used to be my stoner buddy for 2 years but is now clean.

Today I have my first shift at Subway in .. a very long time. I requested the managers to not give me any shifts while I have school on, and I'm done with school now, so yeah. Eat Fresh.

When I first joined PPN, I was suicidal as hell. I hated my life, and I convinced myself that if I die, I'll wake up in a better world. A world where I wasn't a stupid asian. That illusion really reinforced my motivation for suicide. PPN was amazing at distracting me from negative thoughts. It wasn't long after I re-registered on the site as this identity I decided to call "Miku" after the Vocaloid. I won't lie; pretending to be a girl was very, very fun. It was so much easier to attract positive attention. And feeling a false sense of femininity made me feel happy.

Conversing with people as Miku just made me happy and was a great distraction, so that motivated me to make an MSN account and begin talking to many members on a regular basis. I did that for a long time, and it made many nice memories.

Over the span of 3 years, I've gone from being an unhealthy drug addict with no motivation to achieve anything positive, both for my future and my mental and physical health and no intention to stop smoking, to a person that has that has a will to achieve a medical qualification, stay away from drugs and become more physically fit.

This community has made many memories that I hold dear to my heart. I remember spending many hours up at night posting in the Silent Room and waiting for the other Silent Room regulars to post. I remember Darkness Unleashed winning a Pokedollar lottery after he already had the most Pokedollars by far. I remember Splosh making everyone great signatures. I remember Wes and Kloud being lovey dovey. I remember the Xat boxes. I remember TimF putting up real-life rewards on the Shop. I remember chatting on the ToT frequently. I remember seeing everyone's faces on the "What Do You Look Like" thread. I remember my beloved Anime Thread. I remember..

Wes. Shihen. Aryeh. Lightball. Nico. Eric. Utau-chan. Yui-chan. Zohaib. Milky. Rey. Ian. James. Silver. Sakashi. Linear. Loomy. Aiden. Parrot. Triple Threat. Daniel. Rushy. Starrk. Kloud. DU. Emmy. Abby. Orgo. Fivex. Breakdanz. Kokecrack. Vlatko. Sammy. Sato. Sabo. Rosim. Avery. Splosh. Airavon. Lx7. Sho. Shroom. SirPlatina. Kinfin. Richie625. Unique. Magoo. Tobi. Cesar.

Oh and Blake Duncan.

I've never loved a community as much as I loved PPN. No other online community can even remotely compare with how much I loved it. I loved it so much.

If it's okay with you guys, I ask one favor. I want you guys to name any PPN regulars that I didn't list.

it's dancun not duncan.


>asian
>going into the medical field

Way to break those stereotypes m80

Nice to see we helped you as a whole.
The community helped me a lot too during hard times.
Though it never was that bad.

I don't mind whichever identity you use as long as you keep coming back to the animu thread.
This thread needs you!

Also...
Give me back all the times I fapped to you! XD

Right back at ya, cowboy.

I love all of you, from day one. I know I wasn't as close as I am to you guys, but the ones I kept in touch with I text. I haven't texted Starrk in a while, so I'm gonna now, lol. But you all were like a second family to me as well. I felt shit, and going here made me think of the same thing. Escaping reality, a lot of forums do that since you go from reality to this geek-world that you fall in love with. I still try to come on every forum I'm on, especially since I recently became single again lel. The point is, life is an ebbing tide. Comes, goes, and comes back. That's what everyone practically is. :3 I love you all. Never forget that just because there is harshness outside, there IS always someone that cares, be in front of a computer screen or not. We care. We call each others friends, acquaintances, "people we know," there's a bond there. Be it across the world or down the street.

I'm glad that you saw the PPN community as an escape from your reality. It's always nice to have somewhere to go to when real life is getting a little harsh. But, most of all, I'm glad that you're able to accept the real you. This sounds cliche, but at the end of the day, no matter how much you run away from reality, it will always catch up to you.

During the MSN days, I had much fun talking to you and everyone else, although you claim that the "you" during those days was just a mask you put on. The way I look at you will never change, even after reading this confession of yours. In fact, I applaud you for making a positive change in your life instead of forever hiding behind a fake identity that you created in order to escape from the real you.

After all, this is the Internet. Why should the identity of someone I know only by a username bother me? What matters to me is that you had great memories with a community that is like a family to you and that you were inspired by this community to accept your reality.

You guys don't understand how much your replies mean to me :'(

Thankyou so much

Reality is just something that needs time taking in. For all of us.

In life, we often find ourselves wearing masks. Personas who help us with our day by day. The face we wear at home, at work, at school, or online. While all very different, they're all a part of ourselves, swimming in a sea that forms our conscious and unconscious minds. In this way, there is no 'real you' so much as there is all the different parts of you. Fragments that form a whole.

The fact that I learned all that from a video game astounds me, but it's one of the biggest pieces of wisdom I've spouted in years.

Haha, looking at this thread, I feel like we've all matured a lot over these years.
It's actually really interesting, realizing that now.
I'm 19 and an asian guy as well, so we got that in common apparently.
If you ever want to talk about it, I'm down to listen and converse.
I've never really had a problem with my ethnicity myself.
The way I see it, who I am has absolutely nothing to do with my race.
Anyway, major props for doing this. It took a lot of courage to do.
It's good to hear that you're trying to change your lifestyle for the better. Keep it up!

I'm glad that you are trying to better yourself instead of just giving up!

Good job, Miku! :D

Also, I'm surprised you thought we'd attack you. This forum is one of the most accepting places I've ever seen- we will love and appreciate you, no matter your race, sexuality, national origin, gender, etc etc. Seriously, even if I haven't always agreed with folks, it always seems that we pull through because we care about each other.

It's nice.

Honestly, the reveal that you were an entirely different gender and everything is more than just "different section of personality" that we were all thinking.  It's a pretty big lie and while I'm not the kind of guy to get mad about it, it does feel like a bit of betrayal to the community.  The real you would probably have been more accepted when you joined more than the pretend one who made a lot of crass jokes all the time.  I'm not fully surprised, there were always inconsistencies with your story.  So yeah, I'm not mad but I'm disappointed that you lied on this scale to everyone for multiple years.  If you wanted to leave, it might have been better if you quietly left rather than make a thread like this because I'm not even sure what to believe anymore.  Everybody is saying how they still accept you and stuff, but can you be trusted? :/

Aryeh- I've learned that it's best to trust next to nobody- at least, when it comes to the internet.

I do agree with you that I wish we'd gotten to know the real person behind the screen, but by the same token, I understand why he did it.

Thanks loomy and darkgale :)

I share Kloud's opinion. Don't trust anyone on the internet too much.

Anyone can type a lie. There is no way I can give you a guarantee that I won't lie; it really is an issue of how much you decide to trust me, or anyone else.

I can say that I have no intention to lie about my identity ever again. But in someone else's eyes, that's just text. I can't prove that my real-life identity I've typed about on this thread isn't just a complete load of shit.

If you choose not to trust me, that's okay. After all, it's the internet. And you have very good reason to suspect everything I say is a lie.

But either way I won't be staying around for long, so I'm not really sure if whether I am trusted or not matters so much. It seems everyone else is believing my confession, and for that I am very grateful.

About you believing it may have been better if I quietly left, I have seriously considered that many times. But I had an urge to be honest with the community at least once in my life, and see what they'd say about it.

Well, damn. Miku. .. I don't know what else to call you by, so please excuse me- but you'll be missed. I wish you wouldn't go, but I understand fully (I've left multiple times for varying reasons- if anyone can relate, it's me). I guess if you do go, I wish you the best in your life going forward. Know that you are someone beautiful and valuable just the way you are. Be confident and embrace yourself, make any changes you need to, and most of all please find what makes you happy.

I guess that's my final piece on the subject. Whether or not you're telling the truth now doesn't matter- I'd rather be wrong and look foolish then be right and leave someone truly in need out in the cold.

I do believe you, because nobody would go this far and all that for a joke.

I would like to say, I know how you feel, about the Asian thing and wanting to be white.

I'm Pakistani and I'm just completely ashamed of my country,background and streotypes. I know I can't change my race or background, so I try to stay as white Canadian as possible, I don't enjoy anything out of Pakistani culture at all, so theres that. I don't like the music, I'm not even muslim, etc.
I was born Canadian and I'm a Canadian first.

I agree with Kloud, I'd rather believe you than not, because I don't want to leave a friend I've known for so long without any support.

If you feel its a step in the right direction than you should move on, but you can also come back if you need us for anything, we are always here. Or at least hopefully will.

I've read every single reply on this thread multiple times. I don't think I've ever read anything more personally meaningful to me in my life. It means so much to me.

I'd really like to thank you guys for being so very supportive of me. It really encourages me to believe that I'm making the right decisions and helps me feel better about myself.

And thankyou for offering to accept the real me as part of the community. But I won't be part of it. It doesn't feel right, with everyone knowing about how much I misled them.

But I really, really do appreciate everything you guys have said. Again, thankyou. <3

I intend to make this my last post on the forum. A solid 5 years and 5 months as this identity, it's been a very memorable experience.

Goodbye, my beloved PPN community.

- Sean

WRY?! ;_;

Wow, asshole.

Seriously?  I'm not angry at them, I'm just not going to be like "everything is absolutely fine" like everybody else is.  We were lied to the whole time and I don't think that being disappointed should be considered an unrealistic reaction to it.  Sure, it's a shame we lost another member on the site (not that you ever post anyway, so why should even give a damn about that?) but I don't like it when people make a big show about leaving and I'd rather that if Miku wanted to leave, they didn't tell everybody they were lieing about who they were.  After being lied to on a scale for that many years, even if it isn't particularly surprising; I'm not going to be like "I fully trust you now." like some people do.  Nobody should expect me to trust everybody.  That doesn't make me an asshole.  Calling others assholes though certainly makes you something though.  You don't even go here, so what's it got to do with you? 

Whoa, you two. First, loomy. Don't go looking for a fight. You're free to say that you disagree with what he said, but just out and out name calling like that doesn't make you look like the better person in the situation. I'm just saying.

And Aryeh, I completely agree with you, it is realistic to feel disappointed or hell, even betrayed. In this situation, I wouldn't blame anyone for being upset. Even Miku/Sean was prepared for it. I don't know about everyone else, but I never said I fully trusted him after his confession- I chose to believe the confession, but if he had chosen to stay, yes, there'd have been that doubt. A deception like that does indeed make it difficult to offer your trust to the deceiver. So your feelings are completely valid.

I think that, more than trust, what people are trying to offer here (Kinfin and myself, at least), are acceptance for who he really is and a sense of peace before he leaves. That little, dying flame of kindness that, so often, has been found a pile of ashes in the world. I don't trust anybody, more than I can know for sure, but I'll be damned if I don't try and be that glimmer of kindness and hope in someone's life.

Ergh, it's hard to explain what I mean in words. In reality, it'd be as easy as a hug or a reassuring touch. What I'm saying is that I don't blame you for feeling how you do, and I think that most people here aren't offering their trust, but rather are trying to offer comfort and choosing to believe his confession in what must be a difficult and transformative time in his life.

I'd be accepting.  If they were to come back right now as themselves, I'd be absolutely fine about it.  Although they don't seem to want to.  It's just I feel like I shouldn't reasonably be expected to trust them and act like they are totally innocent, when he did string us along for over five years.  That doesn't make me a bad person, it just makes me a person.  I'm not a fan of the whole big announcements about leaving thing, it's like people are trying to be dramatic; what I meant in my post was that if she wanted to leave, I would have preferred it if the lie was kept rather than being told about it. :/  Well what's done is done.

Like I said, completely valid feeling. I wouldn't have minded that either. I guess I don't feel too strung along because I wasn't super close with Miku (hell, at times, she was a damn thorn in my side with her crude behavior)- but if I were, I can definitely relate (it honestly just makes me think of Unique and Cassandra *sigh* that was such a load of bull).

I don't think that he made this post and this confession for us. Not really. I think it was to help him move on and feel a sense of finality about it all- like, I don't think it was meant in drama, but rather as part of his healing and coming to accept things as himself. But like you said, what's done is done, and if he's gone, he's gone.

Yeah, I agree.  That makes sense.  I guess it was for them and I accept that; just not a fan of the swaths of dramatic leaving posts we've had over the years.  I wasn't too close with Miku either and honestly Miku always felt a lot like a character, so I'm not really upset about things because I'm not that affected because I'm not too surprised about the whole thing. 

And yes, Cassandra was very mean to everybody.  We've had a lot of crazy stuff over the years.  I don't know if you were there when Unique tried to make me pick between him and Orgo.  It was crazy because like Orgo was a nice guy who wouldn't make somebody pick.  Unique said that by saying picking was wrong, that I had already picked and so he left. ¬_¬

To be perfectly honest, I agree with Aryeh here. I think we have every right to feel disappointed and betrayed, after all we've trusted Miku/Sean for 5 1/2 years now, only to be suddenly told that the entire persona was a lie?

I admit I'm not overly surprised, there were many inconsistencies with the story, but I can't help but feeling let down as I genuinely feel like a friend has departed, fake as they were, although I'm not really sure if I can believe anything they've said now.

I do not bare any ill will towards him, though, and I wish him the very best with his life and hope that he can use what he's learnt here to accept who he is and become a better person as a result of this.

I just wish that he was either honest from the start, or would stay so that we might learn about the REAL Miku and accept them as genuine friend, a REAL friend.

---

Sean, or Miku, if you ever read this, stay for a while. We'd all find getting to know you properly a pleasure, I am sure. But don't lie. You must understand that you've betrayed our trust for a number of years now, so I'm not sure if I can even believe this new story that you've presented. But if it is true, then good luck with wherever life takes you.

...wow.
I... really have almost no idea what to say about this.
Miku was one of the very few people I've ever considered a good friend.
I feel disappointed. Not betrayed, but merely disappointed.
...and almost kind of envious that he managed to deal with his severe depression in such an effective manner.

I...I am in the loss of words too. To think that Miku is not who I thought he was. To think that I used to have a short crush on her >///<

Anyways, hello everyone. I know, I have disappeared for god knows how long. I never intended to visit this site actually in the first place until Aryeh suddenly tagged me on facebook about some random advertisement xD and that... that actually made me think about all the memories I had with all of you since PPN and here. So, I decided to drop by as a guest at first. I read through some of the new posts at social network, then I saw this.

Miku, or Sean, I don't know if you will ever read this or not, but I just want to say that even though your entire persona is not what I thought it was, you're still a good friend to me in my heart. It's not the appearance that counts. It's not the gender or what you do, but what we have been through with each other. You're the one of the main reason why I stayed in PPN for a loong time.

 I know how you felt as I used to go online to escape reality too. I hated real life. For me, PPN were my remedy. That was why I was willing to stay up late into the night most of the time to chat with you all. Then... yeah, stuff happened. Some of our good friends moved on and we all lost contact with them. Though, I'm glad to see that alot of you still stayed here :)

I did not expect that you're asian too Sean. We are not much in difference then. I am 19, I am Asian, I live on the other side of the world where Starrk kept thinking it was in China. xD But yeah, I do miss you... I miss you all too. I'm sorry that I didn't go back here that much anymore. Life caught up on me. I am no longer in high school but in university now and life had gotten really, really busy. Though, one good thing is that I no longer hated real life like I used to. In fact, I am happy with what I have now despite the ups and downs. I hope it goes the same for all of you too :)

I'm sorry for the long post, but reading Sean's confession made me emotional... :/ I wish he would stay too so we can learn about the REAL Miku too and accept him as a REAL friend. But yeah... he left.

I don't know when would I come back to visit again, but I will some day. I'll try to stay here longer one day to catch up with you all, but for now, I am in university now and I have classes coming up >< So I am sorry that I couldn't stay for long...

It's really nice knowing you all though. Aryeh, Miku/Sean, Wes, Kloud Stark (intentional old joke is intentional). Zohaib, and everyone else. Even though we are oceans apart, I am really glad to have met you :)

Until next time.

What a twist!

its like m night shamalyan directed ludicom

Actually he did, PPN too. It was all an elaborate ruse!

lol.

When's the DVD coming out?

yesterday

Decided to check on the site on a whim, and was not very surprised to see this. I know this reply is late and will probably fall on deaf ears, but I hope Miku/Sean eventually reads it. Like everyone has said, PPN was a big part of a lot of our lives back in the day and I can understand why people would feel betrayed by having a "fake" friend, but here's my take on it: it was always you. Whether you identified as Miku or yourself is irrelevant. Miku is/was another facet of you, one that had its own life and personality, but is a part of a bigger whole. I distinctly remember you telling me things that I now know are true based on some of the things you've just revealed, so it wasn't all Miku - Sean is a part of Miku and vice-versa. I'm really glad you've accepted yourself and are making strides to better your life. I can relate to your struggles a lot, as you might be able to infer from what you know about me. I'm gonna message you on your Scarlet FB account in hopes of reaching you, if that account still exists. As corny as it is, I still love that you took my actual last name for FB, haha. I guess that's a testament to our friendship. If you don't wanna keep contact, I totally understand that, but I'm glad to have gotten to know such a personal part of you. You might think it wasn't genuine, but I think your real personality shines through whether you want it or not. Hope you read this someday, and I wish you all the best. Feel free to contact me whenever you want, even if that's another 5 years from now.<3

- Silver / Nelson

Edit - Almost forgot the purple font. I'm not Silver without the purple font.

I read this thread today. It's the most meaningful thread I've ever read and I really want to thank everyone for their replies.

Thanks. <3

Of course. I don't know what you were expecting, but most folks around here are pretty accepting of almost anything.

Occasionally I remember that this site exists.

And I hop onto it.

I look for any new replies.

Then I read this thread.

All this time later it's still the most meaningful thread in my life.

Thanks again, PPN.

bruh, you got an email by any chance?

Ninja bump.

I never double guessed you, Miku! Thank you for remembering me, it's nice to know our time talking and playing mmos together will be remembered :)
One of my personas was a girl once... I didn't battle any mental issues or depression though, I was just too 'shy' to come clean. Then relationships started to form with people I considered close friends, which I've now long since lost connections with due to abandoning that persona. I, too, swore to never let anything like that happen again so I've experienced a little of what you have here. It sucks having friends tied to a person that isn't you, friends that you cannot show your real self to, and friends that will fade away with that persona.

You made a big step with this confession and I'm proud of you. I wasn't able to do the same, and instead, lost a couple of good friends that I think about every now and then. I know it isn't easy.

Either way, it doesn't matter to me who you really are. You are Miku and we had some good times. I'll always remember playing Luna Online with you, Cade, and Shippo :)
Actually, the reason why I just checked out this site is because I was wondering what you were up to these days! Glad you lot are still around and checking this place out. I was worried I'd never find you guys again.

Edit: One last thing. Pay no mind to the spoiled "why didn't you disappear" comments earlier in the thread. I'm happy to hear from you again Miku and even more happy that you did NOT disappear!