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Kinfin's Movie Reviews (Potential Spoilers)


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Author Topic: Kinfin's Movie Reviews (Potential Spoilers)  (Read 175 times)
Kinfin
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« on: December 24, 2013, 06:20:42 pm »

Starting from now on, whenever I watch a movie I've never seen before, I'll be making a review of it. I can't promise I won't give spoilers, but I'll try to avoid ruining the movie.

Today, we'll be starting with Wolf Children.

The story starts with a woman living in the city in Japan named Hana. She's a college student with a partial scholarship and a part time job going about her education. One day, she sees a mysterious man attending the class despite not having a textbook who catches her eye. She tracks the man down and one thing leads to another, resulting in them becoming close. When Hana starts talking about the potential of them spending the future together, he starts acting guilty and on a small mountain at night, he reveals he has both human and wolf blood in his body, having a full wolf form. This doesn't ruin their relationship however. They live together, and ending up having two children, about a year apart. Shortly after the second is born however, the man who's name I never caught, dies. This results in Hana having to pause her studies to care for her children, Yuki and Ame. And they prove a handful. After a while, she comes to the realization that city living is the problem and they move out to the country. After some serious adjusting, and lots of help from her neighbors, she eventually manages to learn how to grow crops, but her children are still a handful. Yuki's impulsiveness, and Ame's timid nature are a source of stress. Until one day when Ame tries to hunt a bird, falls into a river, and Yuki rescues him. Then shortly after, Yuki wants to start school... ect.

I'm gonna stop explaining everything and go more general. Yuki and Ame's personalities prove to take major turns as they age. Ame grows bored with school and wants to spend more time on the mountain. Yuki tries to be normal but accidentally hurts a boy in her class when she pushes her too far. And all in all, they prove that they're taking totally separate paths in life.

I think it was a good movie, but had a number of sad parts. Then again, what do you expect from a Ghibli fil- wait what... what do you mean it wasn't a Ghibli?... Seriously?... Scratch that folks. Anyway, the movie is bittersweet, but not not worth the watch. Just bring somebody to hug when you watch it because you might cry.
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Kinfin
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« Reply #1 on: December 25, 2013, 09:17:18 pm »

Today, I'll be reviewing Warm Bodies. A romantic comedy about zombies. Weird combo, isn't it?

Warm Bodies starts off with a voice over from our main character, a zombie who only remembers his name starts with an 'R' and will later decide to name himself R. As he slowly shuffles through a zombie infested airport, he explains how life as a walking corpse is. Boring, with no social interaction, waiting until you tear most of your flesh off and become a walking skeleton. The opening sequence ends with R shuffling off to look for food in a pack. Food being living people.

The movie then cuts to a human settlement in the city where we meet our heroine who's name I don't remember so I'll just call her E since I think it started with one. As she and a group of simalarly aged young people go out to scav resources and medicine, she and her boyfriend have a spat before being attacked by a swarm of dead ones, R included. R eats the boyfriends brains, gains his memories, and decides to not eat E, instead, covering her face in zombie goo and taking her to the airport and his personal airplane bedroom to keep her safe. She of course tries to run away, but when he saves her a second time and he manages to talk for just long enough to convince her it'd be safer for her to leave in a few days, a montage of them doing activities sparks.

I don't wanna ruin too much about the plot, so I'll stop there, but what I am willing to say is that this comedy knows just when to lighten a mood. A moment will seem dark and creepy, but then R will narrate a clever piece of writing and brings things to a lighter place. The only really heavy part of the movie is the climax. I'll say this much, E's dad is the most anti zombie person in the world, and they make a huge enough deal about how zombies never sleep or dream that you know that that'll become pertinent, but meh. I still believe it's an excellent romantic comedy, and it really makes you root for R all the way though by giving you insight on his thoughts and feelings, even when he's not supposed to have any. I really recommend it.
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« Reply #2 on: December 28, 2013, 11:17:24 pm »

Today I'm presenting a review of Tales from Earthsea by Stuido Ghibli. For real this time.

I'm just going to explain the whole thing this time in super summary mode before I give my thoughts. Spoiler alert in full this time.

Tales from Earthsea starts off with a series of vague explinations, and a kid murdering his father within the first fifteen minutes of the movie. The kid then runs off and meets a wizard named Sparrowhawk who saves him from being eaten by jackals. They travel into a city where they meet a drug dealer, and the kid saves a girl from slave dealers in a suicidal act of bravery. When he succeeds she bitches out on him because he was wanting to die. Then the kid goes to take a nap on stone stairs and the slavers capture him. His wizard buddy saves him, and they go to work on a farm for a few days. Then the bad guys show up while Sparrowhawk's off to the city market, and by the time he returns, the baddies left, came back, and kidnapped the woman who owned the farm meanwhile the kid ran away and the girl is left to give the message. They end up meeting up with big bad wizard with a large growth on his head who wants to be immortal. Lots of climactic moments, buildings fall apart, and slave girl turns into a dragon. Oh, and there's something about true names in there that's not explained at all...

This movie is... gosh... Okay, first off, I know it's based on a book, but that isn't any excuse to not explain things. Hell, if anything, that means you have to take an extra moment just to make sure everyone knows what you're talking about. I mean, it'd be one thing if this were a series, but as a one off movie, I was so confused I had to find entertainment in the horse that I decided loves tacos.

Second, even if things weren't explained well, I could excuse it if it weren't impossible to follow. More than a few things go Giant Space Flea from Nowhere, especially in the last hour of the movie. It reaches the point where it's ridiculous.

Lastly, the ending makes no sense. The kid says he's going to admit to killing his father, but the end cinematic, he's just sticking around to be a farmhand. Closure please.

In short, this is the most confusing Ghibli movie I've ever seen. Maybe I should read the book, but still. It's... wait what... Gainax... okay. All of a sudden, everything makes sense again. Thank you everybody. Goodnight.
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« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2014, 08:44:15 pm »

Another Ghibli film! Yay!

This time, I'm talking about Whisper of the Heart.

The movie stars Shizuku Tsukishima, a Junior High student who has a passion for reading. She spends all her time that she doesn't spend studying on reading fairy tales. Or parodying Country Roads, but that's not quite as important. Anyway, Shizuku's a model student, doing well and all that, but as she reads in her free time, she discovers a certain name appearing on the check out card for almost every book she's borrowed. Seiji Amasawa. At first she thinks that the guy must just have similar tastes as her, but she starts to think that maybe this is going to lead to her own fairy tale ending. She's runs into this boy who picks up a book she drops, who teases her by knowing her name thanks to the check out card. One day, she follows a cat to an antique shop and meets the old man who runs the place who shows her a statue of a dapper cat whom they call 'The Baron'. Shizuku runs into the boy from before, who she's grown to be annoyed by. There's this small side arc with her best friend getting a love letter from her crush's friend, when the crush actually has eyes for Shizuku, but honestly, it's such a side-quest in the story that it doesn't matter that much other than to toss in some drama.

Anyway, let's super-summary form here. Boy turns out to be Seiji, who wants to be a professional violin craftsman, they reveal having feelings for each other, and then he goes off to Italy to follow his dream. She then finds inspiration from him to become a writer, starting up on her first novel based on the Baron statue. Her grades start to slip, but her father realizes she's got a passion for what she's doing and allows it to continue. Her novel for which the movie is named, is a little rough and in need of polishing, but otherwise, actually pretty good, and Shiji returns from Italy, having learned from a master for a while who advised him to finish High School and then return. Shizuku also decides to finish High School and the two officially profess love for each other.

My thoughts. This movie was a nice watch, but it kinda makes you think back on your own life. If you're still young, it'll make you think about what path you wanna take. If you're a little older, it'll make you question the path you chose. So this is good for someone who lacks direction to inspire them to seek it out.
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Kinfin
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« Reply #4 on: February 18, 2014, 03:09:51 pm »

From the Makers of Wolf Children comes Summer Wars.

Summer Wars stars a mostly unassuming young adult named Kenji, Kenji is an intern for the maintenance of the most important internet hub in the world which is pretty cool. He's also the second best mathematician in Japan which basically makes him Japanese Jesus. But all joking aside, after the introduction, we meet our second main charecter, a girl named Natsuki, who asks Kenji or his friend to accompany her to the country. Obviously, Kenji is the one who accepts.

So the two of them go on a big trip countryward. Along the way, they run into multiple of Natsuki's family memebers, and once they reach the family house/temple/palace, Kenji is taken to Natsuki's great grandmother, where it is revealed Natsuki wanted Kenji to pretend to be her fiance. Confused, he begrudgingly accepts, and is forced to meet the entire family. Which is gigantic. That night, after running across the family computer wiz and being kicked out of the room, he finally heads to bed and recieves an email in the middle of the night containing an encrypted password with the topic 'Solve Me'. He does and the next day, the internet is broken, and the news is calling him a terrorist.

I'm gonna make a long story short now. The password launched a rogue AI that hacks 412 million accounts on the internet and threatens to explode nuclear reactors. The Great Grandmother dies because her heart monitor is linked to the internet. The most estranged family member turns out to be the one who programmed the thing, though it was the US military who launched it. The family bands everything together to fight it, though one idiot in the family almost effs the world by stealing their ice. The computer wiz fights an epic battle, and in the end, Natsuki challenges the AI to the most epic card game ever with everyone's accounts on the line. And I mean EVERYONE.

This movie is actually awesome. It has it's awkward moments, but it's absolutely amazing. I definitely give it two thumbs up. It also makes you think more on how reliant we all are on the internet. And what might happen a few years down the road for that matter. And remember, if you find a room with a supercomputer in it in your house, don't steal the ice to preserve your dead grandmother's body.
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« Reply #5 on: May 30, 2014, 12:15:16 am »

After by boss and Co Workers heckling me for weeks on end, I finally decided to Red Box Frozen. The acclaimed Disney Movie that everyone was having an absolute orgasm over. The one with the stupid Snowman on all the commercials. I went into this movie expecting to hate it.

I was pleasantly surprised.

Normally, I give a plot synopsis. And I will, but this movie has one moment too good to spoil. So I'll explain the base of the plot and that's it.

The movie begins with two sisters. Princesses. The older of the two, Elsa, is born with Ice Magic powers. They're incredibly strong, but also incredibly dangerous. Well, one day, her sister Anna and her are playing and she accidentally hits her with her powers, nearly killing her. To protect her and everyone else, their parrents take Anna to see some trolls that remove all her memories of her sister's ice magic. Elsa then spens the next dozen years of her life isolated, her sister forced to be alone in a big empty castle as a result, and their parents go away on a ship, never to return. Well, it's finally time for the princess to Queen it up (bitch) and they, for one day, open the gates to the castle. During the resulting party, Anna meets a prince from a neighboring kingdom, and the two fall madly in love. When Anna goes to get Elsa's blessing for their marriage however, they get in a big fight that results in Elsa's powers becoming known publicly. Elsa then runs away into the mountains to isolate herself, but accidentally freezes the entire nation. So it's up to Anna to go and get her to fix things. Along the way, Anna meets an Ice Merchant who's livelyhood is ruined by this whole situation, and the pair team up. Meanwhile, a douchebag from another nation thinks the only way to fix things is if Elsa is killed.

I'm stopping here because if I say anymore, the awesome plot twist becomes ruined.

I LOVE the plot twist in this movie. It's amazing. I had to pause the movie when that twist happened to stop and comprehend it. They give you just enough other things to think about where the twist is a total surprise.

Now, that's the plot. Let's talk characters. Elsa is in exactly the situation you'd expect. A girl forced to keep her ways inside for too long loses it once, then when the cat's out of the bag, lets loose once and loves it, but it goes a little too far. It's exactly what a person in her situation would be.

Anna, I don't like. I enjoy how she's a klutz. I enjoy how she's enthusiastic, but she's too happy and optimistic. I get wanting to go and save your sister, but you seemed too capible given the fact that you lived alone for years and years in a big old house that you almost never saw the doors open. I don't think you'd be handling snow that well.

Cristoph, I actually really like. He's modest, he gets annoyed, he's a realist, and he's just a little bit crazy from living alone most of his life. He's actually the perfect male supporting role in my opinion because he feels just real enough.

Olaf. fuck Olaf. He's unnecessary, he's unfunny, and he's only useful for one, count em, ONE scene. That snowman can melt in hell.

I won't talk about any other characters for risk of ruining that plot twist I love so much.

Let's talk comedy. This movie doesn't do it well. I found a few moments that were actually pretty funny, but the rest, not so much. Nothing Olaf does is funny even though he's the comic relief. The funniest moment is near the end when Anna punches a guy in the face.

Music, I can't stand it. Mostly because my boss keeps on playing Let it Go at work. The only song I really enjoy off this movie's soundtrack is Fixer Upper.

Anything else I need to say? Not really. I could talk about the lesson taught, but that would ruin the twist. So let's say this. This movie does it's job teaching it's lesson well enough. I actually can't argue with the main lesson that Disney teaches here.

Overall, I give this movie a 7/10. The main reason I say seven is because of a major cliche. This should have never happened because Elsa should have practiced using her power rather than practiced hiding it. If she had, then she'd have never lost it, and it wouldn't have been a big deal. But that's cliche for you. Meh. All in all, I'm actually delightfully surprised. Would I watch it again? Probably not. but for two bucks, I can't argue. I'll be returning it promptly tomorrow.
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Kinfin
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« Reply #6 on: June 12, 2015, 09:02:36 pm »

Okay, let's get this out of the way.

Fifty Shades of Grey... God damn fifty shades... fuck. Just... fuck.

Okay, so the book that made women everywhere read porn at work, at home, at school, and everywhere else got a movie adaptation and my god... So when I heard how popular this was and how it was making SnM popular, I had to at least take a peak and oh my god was the book awful. I could barely make it through the first couple of chapters. But then there's this movie adaptation...

God damn, this movie is just bad. It takes less than ten minutes for the movie to make Christian feel like a predator, which let's all be honest, he is. It's amazing how much domestic abuse and violence they slip into one eroge. This movie, and I assume the book too, show all the warming signs of a toxic relationship. ALL of them. He wouldn't sleep with her without a written contract. He refuses to sleep in the same bed as her. And let's not forget the fact that there's a double entente in every other sentence out of his mouth. Plus, as a dom, he should know that you never go into a BDSM relationship with someone green. That and how much of a stalker he is... how does someone show up everywhere so often that a woman can't go a day without seeing her? It's just creepy.

But that's just the problems I have with the sex. Let's look it as a movie shall we.

I get that Anna's supposed to be the average every woman, right? So why is she thin as a rail to the point where her ribs can be seen? And yet, whenever her clothes are on, I can't help but look at everything else in the room but her. God she's just the opposite of a main character. As for Christian... well, like I said. I get predator rather than male sex symbol every time he says a damn word. So that's casting.

Music... Okay, this movie's done a good job picking out good enough music for what's going on. All of it licensed, big name music, but that's what a western movie is. So that's one good thing. Good luck enjoying it though...

Acting... no. Just, I can't. This is awful. Anna has as much personality as the theoretical baby Kristin Stewart and the Slenderman in every scene that isn't a sex scene, which, i'll be fair, was bold of them to include in earnest in the movie (yes, the actors are actually having sex on the screen) but even the acting in those is bad as Anna's overly aroused at every touch. As someone who's actually had sex before, hell, as someone who's watched porn before, it doesn't matter how green a woman is, she doesn't react like that.

So, we've covered, story, cast, acting, and music. What's left... Pacing.

So, I didn't read the first book all the way through of course, but lucky me, I have Kloud, who red the first two before finally giving up with how bad they were by the third book, and she happened to tell me that the movie rushed things. It's cutting corners, making things faster. And that ruins a big part of what the book is trying to do in the first place. It's eliminating Anna's everywomanness by cutting nearly everything that she does with her life. Christian is literally in 95% of scenes while in the book, it was more like 60ish? Literally, everything shown in this movie is how they interact, which takes away from Anna's humanity.

So, what have we learned? Fifty Shades, the book and movie that made woman everywhere dream of leather and whips, is awful. Just. Awful. But then again, given that everyone here knew that, I suppose we should have expected it.

"So why Kinfin, did you watch this horsecrap if you knew it would be so bad?" I hear you asking. The answer is simple. PEOPLE DON'T SHUT UP ABOUT IT. This is the same fucking reason I watched Frozen, but I was pleasantly surprised by that one. This one...god damn. If you see any copies of the book or movie, I encourage you to destroy them. Let us purge the world of these Fifty Shades of Stupid because honestly, nothing in the world that begins with the phrase 'Fifty Shades' is worth anyone's time. Nothing at all.
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