Message #75713

[Abigail]

I’ve done a lot of reflecting on this website and how it shaped me into who I am now. And I relized just how much it messed me up. I was way too young to be on here, interacting with people calling me their loli and whatnot. I realized that I fear sending my photograph to people because of how many times my face and voice and video presence got memed. I think this website may be where I started feeling like nobody took me seriously, and that’s been a constant theme throughout my life. Fun.

Looking back? I think i miss the idea of this community and what it was more than I actually miss it. I’m a lot different than I was when I was younger, thanks to various (usually negative) interpersonal relationships and self discovery that was sparked by mental illness. The two times I was in the discord made me realize that I probably don’t fit in with this community as I am now, and that’s fine.

Another personal update, while I’m here I suppose. I’m 21 now. Hard to believe it’s been that long. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for almost 3 and a half years. He’s very patient when dealing with me, which is perfect. I’ve used they/them pronouns for the past couple years after a long while of struggling with my identity. English (writing) major with an art minor in university, my junior year. Hoping to go for a masters in library sciences. It suits me a lot more than computer science ever did. I’ve made a lot of fantastic friends through my college’s Smash Bros club, which I’m the president of. Love every second of it. Things are hard now, but I’ve cut out toxic people from my life and am starting to be a little more stable overall again. That’s really all I can ask for.

I felt like gravity was weighing down on me more than ever while writing this. Thinking about this website and returning always made me nervous and afraid. I loved my time here and cherish most of the memories, but I don’t miss it. Thank you guys for being a part of my life.