Ludicom
February 07, 2023, 02:46:51 am
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length
News: Looking to get back in touch? https://discord.gg/5mc98tm
 
  Home Help Search Arcade Gallery Staff List Calendar Login Register  

The journey of Lbird AntSpine. (My first attempt on a random story)


Pages: [1]
  Print  
Author Topic: The journey of Lbird AntSpine. (My first attempt on a random story)  (Read 158 times)
Eric
The higest rank of the turtles in the turtle kingdom.
Ruby Gatherer
*

Karma: 5
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 495


Turtle power is not the power to be underestimated


View Profile
« on: September 24, 2011, 12:29:11 pm »

Hey guys. I have just recently wrote a short funny random story on my blog and I thought about sharing with you guys too. If you don't know, I love to write stories and this was my first attempted comedy themed story xP Sorry if there's any grammar mistake. =P I was born in a Malay speaking country and english was my 2nd language. Give me compliments or criticisms if you can. =) Any comments also is appreciated!


   The journey of Lbird AntSpine.

 
  Hello lads. My name is Lbird AntSpine, not that self righteous Albert Einstein. I am way smarter than him than how he can say Derp. Anyways back to the story. I live in a town that is near the town that you are living in adjacent to the next closest town north of your grandma's house. It's not important where I am living in, what's important was how a pedo was trying to molest you from behind. Not like you will care anyways.

   Before I tell you about my story that will spans all over the dance floor, I need you to close all of your lights, turn your speakers up and listen to 'Justin Bieber-Baby' to get the moods up. That way, you will not get distracted by the black cat meowing outside your house. So, It was a dark night, no birds nor turtles, it was raining in the silent rain. There were too many stars to count, and not enough clouds to cover them. I like turtles. But what was happening across the street? Yup, Your favorite K-pop band Teen Top was having a concert with bunch of Grandpas and Grandmas. I noticed that your grandma was there too, screaming her old lung out as loud as she can. Not like you will care right?


   So where was I? Oh yeah, I was minding my business, watching Manchester United beat Arsenal 8-2 when I heard a loud sound that was louder than the loudness of two cockroach having sex. Of course, I got up to investigate that mysterious sound. It turns out that someone just farted next door. "WHO'S IN THE RIGHT MIND TO FART SO LOUDLY THAT DISTURB MY PEACE OF WATCHING TV!?" I yelled. Yes, I hate people who disturbs me when I was watching tv. I usually roundhouse kick them but this time It felt different.


  I decided to go next door to investigate the sound. I went out, passing someone being chased by a creeper and Lady Gaga building a giant penis. After a long hour of walk to next door, I knock on the door only to find out that there was no door. I went in and got a shock of my life.


  Inside, there lies a dude, alongside of many cooked porkchop. He looked dead in my eyes. "Oh my Cock!" I yelled, and turned 360 degrees before I check on him. Apparently, his fart has killed himself. Thank god I was immune to farts. I went on to check his pants and inside his left pocket on the right was a wallet filled with bills of $1000 dollars and A picture of Your Dad. I ignored all of that and I flipped open a hidden panel on the back of his wallet. It was a dark hole. I decided to risk it and put my hand inside. My hand went over the big amazon forest, the scorching hot desert and the freezing cold glacier before reaching down the bottom pit of the hole. Under it, I touched something. I took it out and my eyes pop out of my socket.


   It was a ticket of one to Old Trafford! "This must be my lucky hand!" I presumed. Throwing the wallet full of money and a picture of your Dad down the window which was collected by bunch of homeless hipsters, I stepped onto the man and over him and found out he was not dead. He was acting dead. "Ugh...where am-" I Farted on him and he fell down, dead again. "No one dares to act dead on me unless he got a permission from Barrack Obama" I said.


  Happy, I skipped back to my room like a little girl named Justin Bieber. It's where I know that I am not safe. I have the most wanted thing that everyone is dying to get across the galaxy. I heard that even Michael Jackson got sentenced to listening to Nyan Cat for life for trying to steal it. That's how he died too, so don't believe any fake stories that comes out from your friends mouth again. Anyway, I locked my door that was now a door so I lock it. What do you expect it will be?


  Turning off the lights and my computer porn that was still playing, I hid underneath my bed beside A dead girl that is said to haunt you forever if you don't sent this message to 3.14 friends. Then everything turned dark.. oh wait, it's dark already since I turned off the light. Silly me. Three people in the black suit smashed into my windows and one missed and smashed onto the wall beside it. He came in anyways. One of them announced "This is officer Dick from the P.E.N.I.S. (Stands for Preventing Everyone Netting Important Stuff) cooperation. Lbird AntSpine, I know you are here, or if you was, I would like you to put your legs up and walk up to us. That's where I know I am deader than the dead frog in the middle of the road.


  No choice, I emerged from underneath my bed, facing the four angry officers holding the nerf gun. "Don't do anything stupid like trying to escape from the windows we smashed into, or we will take action." Dick said. That actually give me a good idea! I started to plot my plan. This is where I came up with an ingenious plan! It's natural since I am smarter than Albert Einstein anyways. "Oh look, a flying unicorn!" I yelled, pointing at one of the officers. They all looked at that officer who had no idea what is going on and I took my chances of escaping into the window. Everything happened so slow, I ran towards the window, with a bunch of creeper sissing beside me giving me encouragement to make the plan successful. My the time Dick noticed me, I had already reached the window, giving the middle finger and jump down.


  I was soo happy that rainbows actually appeared everywhere accompanied by flying tacos. "THIS WAS MY BEST DAY IN MY LIFE EVEEEEERRRR!" I yelled as I fly through the air. "Nothing can stop me now!! I have the ticket of life, that everyone was dyi-SPLAT!" I forgot that my apartment was 4564 floors high. I splat down on the ground, a big WASTED sign appeared in midair, and I saw tons of hipsters surrounding me, before I blacked out.


  That's the tragic story of my life. I was remembered as the asshole who almost flew to old trafford to see the match. Everyone grieved over me, even Roxas, Carl Johnson, Wayne Rooney and your mum. I will be remembered generation across generation to come. Now all of you might be wondering how I write this story since I was dead? Well, to put it short, I am not dead. In fact, I am as alive as your great Grandpa! I was just looking down at you, watching you masturbating every night on Justin Bieber, and wait for another hero, who will become another person, to be remembered across the ages again...

The end?


Oh yeah, the dead girl underneath my bed is behind you now.

END!




-Just noticed I wrote topic instead of story for my title. EPIC FAIL >.<
« Last Edit: September 24, 2011, 04:14:52 pm by President Eric de Turtles » Report Spam   Logged


I am in need of Minecraft gift codes. I can't buy online stuff and I really love minecraft. So If you have a spare gift code, I hope you can give me. =)

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

lightball20
When in Higurashi always suspect your friends of wanting to murder you.
Tempo Owner
*

Karma: 3
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Main FC: 2666-1672-0114
Posts: 2092



View Profile
« Reply #1 on: September 24, 2011, 01:35:02 pm »

(i assume its ok to post here, since you didnt say to not post here, and ou didnt make a discussion topic)

i feel like i just became high from reading that, i i i dont even know how to tell grammar mistakes apart from intentional randomness 0.0

though i will say this, even with how random it is, your english is better than a number of people i have talked to that live in nonenglish speaking countries taht learned it as a second language.

though seriously i have no clue how you critic something that so obviously is not supposed to make sense

were you high when you wrote this?

and will there be a sequel?
Report Spam   Logged

                   
  Chim Chim|Sparky|Mr. Fish|Dart|Horn|Sting
How come nearly every guy in this damn game, player or not, is absolute eye candy?!
Eric
The higest rank of the turtles in the turtle kingdom.
Ruby Gatherer
*

Karma: 5
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 495


Turtle power is not the power to be underestimated


View Profile
« Reply #2 on: September 24, 2011, 02:02:18 pm »

(i assume its ok to post here, since you didnt say to not post here, and ou didnt make a discussion topic)

i feel like i just became high from reading that, i i i dont even know how to tell grammar mistakes apart from intentional randomness 0.0

though i will say this, even with how random it is, your english is better than a number of people i have talked to that live in nonenglish speaking countries taht learned it as a second language.

though seriously i have no clue how you critic something that so obviously is not supposed to make sense

were you high when you wrote this?

and will there be a sequel?
Yup You can just post here. =)

 xD Thanks. I wanted to become a writer so I tried hard to improve my English =P

And that story was supposed to not make any sense. =P It's a random Story that pops out of my head suddenly xD

Yup, I am on two doses of Mijuwana when I wrote this. That probably just improve my already random mind to it's maximum. =P

And there will be a sequel if people likes it. =P
« Last Edit: September 24, 2011, 02:04:59 pm by President Eric de Turtles » Report Spam   Logged


I am in need of Minecraft gift codes. I can't buy online stuff and I really love minecraft. So If you have a spare gift code, I hope you can give me. =)
Scarlet Spider
Kaine and Aracely
Moderator
Lombre Legend
*

Karma: 18
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Main FC: 0344-9472-9443
Posts: 4891


You have failed this city!


View Profile
« Reply #3 on: September 24, 2011, 02:55:07 pm »

Two doses of mijuwana doesnt achieve any more than one dose of mijuwana because the body only takes the effect of one dose, any extra is pointless.  It's like having a drink when you arent thirsty, it doesnt quench thirst.  *mijuwana expert*
Report Spam   Logged


Quote
My country lay within a vast desert. When the sun rose into the sky, a burning wind punished my lands, searing the world. And when the moon climbed into the dark of night, a frigid gale pierced our homes. No matter when it came the wind carried the same thing... Death. But the winds that blew across the green fields of Hyrule brought something other than suffering and ruin. I coveted that wind, I suppose. It can only be called fate... That here, I would again gather the three with the crests... That I should lay my hand on that which grants the wishes of the beholder... That when power, wisdom, and courage come together, the gods would have no choice but to come down... The power of the gods... The Triforce! He who touches it will have whatever he desires granted!
Pull List: Justice League, Justice League United, Secret Wars, New Avengers
Favourite DC Characters: Supergirl, Pandora, Bleez, Batgirl, Green Arrow, Larfleeze
Eric
The higest rank of the turtles in the turtle kingdom.
Ruby Gatherer
*

Karma: 5
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 495


Turtle power is not the power to be underestimated


View Profile
« Reply #4 on: September 24, 2011, 03:32:07 pm »

Two doses of mijuwana doesnt achieve any more than one dose of mijuwana because the body only takes the effect of one dose, any extra is pointless.  It's like having a drink when you arent thirsty, it doesnt quench thirst.  *mijuwana expert*
And that explains my grammar error there. xP
Report Spam   Logged


I am in need of Minecraft gift codes. I can't buy online stuff and I really love minecraft. So If you have a spare gift code, I hope you can give me. =)
DelightfulPotato
Pokemon Demigod
Sapphire Collector
*

Karma: 5
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 563


Gym Leader Extraordinaire!


View Profile
« Reply #5 on: September 24, 2011, 03:51:01 pm »

Extremely random. I can say, however, that even the most random stories should be able to be read, if not understood.

I don't mean to be too aggressively critical, but your grammar is atrocious, and it could have a lot of work done on it. To be honest, I stopped reading and started doing editorial skimming about two paragraphs in.

Most people can read Shakespearean sonnets and get the gist of what is going on, even if they can't really get past the Olde English and iambic pentameter. You lost me by the first mention of Einstein.

It's a good idea for any aspiring writer to run his stuff through Word or OO, mainly because it helps outline what is and isn't grammatically concise.
Report Spam   Logged

Eric
The higest rank of the turtles in the turtle kingdom.
Ruby Gatherer
*

Karma: 5
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 495


Turtle power is not the power to be underestimated


View Profile
« Reply #6 on: September 24, 2011, 04:12:41 pm »

Extremely random. I can say, however, that even the most random stories should be able to be read, if not understood.

I don't mean to be too aggressively critical, but your grammar is atrocious, and it could have a lot of work done on it. To be honest, I stopped reading and started doing editorial skimming about two paragraphs in.

Most people can read Shakespearean sonnets and get the gist of what is going on, even if they can't really get past the Olde English and iambic pentameter. You lost me by the first mention of Einstein.

It's a good idea for any aspiring writer to run his stuff through Word or OO, mainly because it helps outline what is and isn't grammatically concise.
I am not sure if I can understand that fully, but thanks for the critique. =) That helps alot. To be honest, I didn't really pay attention to the grammar as I was just writing this story out of boredom. =P
I was thinking about writing a sequel too. I will definitely try to improve my grammar and make a story that is more understandable than this one. It will still not be as perfect as the the other stories by the people here though.  =P I am still far away from them as my grammar is... downright terrible most of the time.
Report Spam   Logged


I am in need of Minecraft gift codes. I can't buy online stuff and I really love minecraft. So If you have a spare gift code, I hope you can give me. =)
DelightfulPotato
Pokemon Demigod
Sapphire Collector
*

Karma: 5
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 563


Gym Leader Extraordinaire!


View Profile
« Reply #7 on: September 24, 2011, 04:18:26 pm »

I am not sure if I can understand that fully, but thanks for the critique. =) That helps alot. To be honest, I didn't really pay attention to the grammar as I was just writing this story out of boredom. =P
I was thinking about writing a sequel too. I will definitely try to improve my grammar and make a story that is more understandable than this one. It will still not be as perfect as the the other stories by the people here though.  =P I am still far away from them as my grammar is... downright terrible most of the time.
Try downloading OpenOffice or pirated Microsoft Word. Then, try typing the story through there. It will underline the grammatical errors most of the time with green, and then you can run spellcheck to determine what's wrong. Try to learn from the spell check, as stupid as that might seem.
Report Spam   Logged

Scarlet Spider
Kaine and Aracely
Moderator
Lombre Legend
*

Karma: 18
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Main FC: 0344-9472-9443
Posts: 4891


You have failed this city!


View Profile
« Reply #8 on: September 24, 2011, 04:36:04 pm »

Any thoughts on setting up a Ludicom Grammar Prose team?
Report Spam   Logged


Quote
My country lay within a vast desert. When the sun rose into the sky, a burning wind punished my lands, searing the world. And when the moon climbed into the dark of night, a frigid gale pierced our homes. No matter when it came the wind carried the same thing... Death. But the winds that blew across the green fields of Hyrule brought something other than suffering and ruin. I coveted that wind, I suppose. It can only be called fate... That here, I would again gather the three with the crests... That I should lay my hand on that which grants the wishes of the beholder... That when power, wisdom, and courage come together, the gods would have no choice but to come down... The power of the gods... The Triforce! He who touches it will have whatever he desires granted!
Pull List: Justice League, Justice League United, Secret Wars, New Avengers
Favourite DC Characters: Supergirl, Pandora, Bleez, Batgirl, Green Arrow, Larfleeze
DelightfulPotato
Pokemon Demigod
Sapphire Collector
*

Karma: 5
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 563


Gym Leader Extraordinaire!


View Profile
« Reply #9 on: September 24, 2011, 05:13:36 pm »

Any thoughts on setting up a Ludicom Grammar Prose team?
That would be pretty cool.
Report Spam   Logged

Scarlet Spider
Kaine and Aracely
Moderator
Lombre Legend
*

Karma: 18
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Main FC: 0344-9472-9443
Posts: 4891


You have failed this city!


View Profile
« Reply #10 on: September 24, 2011, 05:14:59 pm »

That would be pretty cool.
I tried to make a topic for it a while back on here but I don't think anyone actually posted, but I think it would be cool if we had a Grammar Prose Team to go over things like fics and guides and anything that people submit to be Prose checked to look cleaner.  I'll try to dig up the old topic and bump it.
Report Spam   Logged


Quote
My country lay within a vast desert. When the sun rose into the sky, a burning wind punished my lands, searing the world. And when the moon climbed into the dark of night, a frigid gale pierced our homes. No matter when it came the wind carried the same thing... Death. But the winds that blew across the green fields of Hyrule brought something other than suffering and ruin. I coveted that wind, I suppose. It can only be called fate... That here, I would again gather the three with the crests... That I should lay my hand on that which grants the wishes of the beholder... That when power, wisdom, and courage come together, the gods would have no choice but to come down... The power of the gods... The Triforce! He who touches it will have whatever he desires granted!
Pull List: Justice League, Justice League United, Secret Wars, New Avengers
Favourite DC Characters: Supergirl, Pandora, Bleez, Batgirl, Green Arrow, Larfleeze

Pages: [1]
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by EzPortal
Bookmark this site! | Upgrade This Forum
SMF For Free - Create your own Forum


Powered by SMF | SMF © 2016, Simple Machines
Privacy Policy